It's when you wake up everyday, with that lump in your throat. It's when you get out of your bed with anxiety that overflows. It's the voices in your head that tells you things you're not supposed to know. It's knowing when things are getting rough but you still don't let go.
Suffocating behind those hysterical laughs, dying under your smiles. It's when you feel that time is agonizingly slow and everything starts to feel like torture but you're afraid of the new so you stick with the old. Next thing you know, you're out cold.
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Now that you're not coming back
You've never gonna know That you created this insomniac. It doesn't matter why you did it It doesn't matter What made you so abruptly quit, The pain is only what matters to me The pain you caused Something you've always failed to see Your words cut deeper than a sword And this heart is ripped With every stab, every spoken word. Your mission was to cause pain Now that complete, I am to stand on my own two feet. You said that I was the one who let you go
But I wish you would know - Waiting isn't something I was good at And you made me master that. It's been long since the day I heard you look at me and say. "It's not working out." And that I wasn't a good fit. Time went on, and so did you I was left with memories few You had said, "it's now or never." I know you'd lied, yet I'd wait forever. Because if you knew what it takes To forget your worst mistakes And wait without knowing if there's Something that's not worth the wait. Then you wouldn't have me waiting For a time when I won't feel like dying For a time when I'd no longer have to Wait, and think over why I lost you. You don't know how my wait is so special I'll tell you, If you ever waited for something this essential, And your wait was all in vain, Would on earth, you, Ever wait for that same thing again? Whenever I look into THAT THING
I see the broken girl - The girl whose not perfect The girl whose scars can't be healed The girl whose existence makes the world impaired The girl who would've been better off dead The girl who lives despite having no reason to live The girl who's never going to get better The girl whom no one wants to look at, me included The girl who's me! And they call THAT THING a MIRROR. And that was the time
When my hand holding yours Became a weight you could Bear no more When my tears began to burn Your skin And my voice grated your eardrums. That was when I realized who I am What I am That was when my existence faded Away from your life And that was when you left. I am in a habit
Of waiting for you to give me Your time though you Can't do that, Striving for love that I can Never get. Hoping for words to hear that No pair of lips will ever let, Maybe I was born with this gene Or maybe I haven't learnt my lesson yet. It's that hour again
I feel guilty As I'm the only one awake. I feel unsafe, insecure Here in my own cocoon, As if my life's at stake. I can't feel my heart I can only hear Voices screaming inside. Every night becomes a pill A pill so hard to swallow, I can't escape, I can't hide. It's like I'm bound By strong iron chains Squeezing the life out of me/ Waiting for someone who knows the code Or can cut the cord. WILL ANYONE SET ME FREE? It's midnight
I'm lying on my bed with tears Flowing down From my eyes down to the ears. I sometimes sit up and weep Why is there no one nearby To understand me; to wi[e My tears as I cry? If someone were to come And give me a minute Then maybe, just maybe I could smile a bit. As simple three word sentence Could get me out of this - ARE - Does the following word describe you, YOU - I'm talking to the presence in front of me, OKAY - Will you be able to make it until tomorrow? In my head I hear queer voices
Not knowing to me, some eerie faces Slowly and entirely, enroach my brain, Overnight I go insane Making me numb yet voices screaming inside; Never ending desperation and madness betide Intruded by dreadful nightmares every single night Agonized by unnatural; obessed with fright. "When you can't sleep on your left, you toss around and attempt sleeping on your right. Insomniacs try these two, then on their back, and then on their belly. And then they long all night for a fifth side." "Sometimes from beyond the skyscrapers, cries from your past find you in your insomnia, and you realize that this desert of iron and cement is actually an island." Shut up, everyone
People care I smile and laugh And pollute the air with sunshine Shut up, everyone I lived through it all I didn't listen When you told me to die Shut up, everyone I won't kill myself I did hate you guys But I won't stop living in this hell Shut up, everyone You guys hate me But people care About what I've been through Shut up, everyone I made it I didn't hide my feelings And I grew taller Shut up, everyone People care for me People love me People are there for me I made it here. And I've made it through. |